Ever feel like family was meant to trigger you? Have a less stressful holiday by caring a little less and doing a lot less! Here is your permission. Here is how to navigate those tricky inevitable moments. Hint: It's all about YOU baby!
The holidays can be joyful. They are a reminder to open up to our spiritual nature, to be grateful for who we are, what we already have and connect with others. They can also feel busy and full of obligations of what we should do and how we should act.
So care a little less about getting everything done, picking out the perfect present, baking all the cookies, completing the holiday to-do list. Who says you have to go to every dinner, event, or party? You can't control what others think of you or say to you. You can only control you.
This year may you do less and attract more. You can still be kind and say no. May you give the gift of time to yourself.
You were meant to remember who YOU are. That is your dharma or your purpose here on earth. You are not your mind or your body, you are the one who uses and occupies them. So let them work FOR you, not against you.
A lot of us have learned to avoid uncomfortable feelings and interactions. Perhaps to work hard so we can play hard. If you are constantly on the go, you don't have time to process events that need processing. It's almost like being on autopilot.
As you learn to process events, feelings, emotions, or stress, you grow stronger. Flexibility creates highly connected minds and bodies. If you improve your mental health, other areas of your life come into balance too, work, finances, relationships, and physical health.
In the NOW, as opposed to the future. So you don't keep getting triggered to learn your lessons. If you put all of your energy in the now, you have all of your energy for every moment of your life.
Life in general can be a wild ride whether that is parenting, relationships, work finances etc. Life is full of ups and downs, failures and successes. The holidays can be a wild ride with loved ones that feel like they are meant to trigger you! What if all of it was for your highest good?
Every up and down, every trigger, ask yourself, "what is my lesson?"
By asking yourself this when you struggle, when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel stressed, when you feel shameful, when you feel sad, or when you feel angry, it helps to realize and remember that you are still HUMAN, having a human experience.
When someone triggers you, it is easier to blame them instead of asking yourself why you are so triggered. Do you believe what they are saying to you? If you believe it, it is triggering you. If you don't get triggered, chances are you don't believe it.
There are a couple ways I use to process these thoughts, feelings and emotions - what I like to call data. So when you feel triggered, take a minute, excuse yourself if you need to and become a witness:
Focus on YOU.
Acknowledge: "I am suffering right now."
Investigate it: "I feel ..." (not, "I am." You are not the emotional feeling).
Where do you notice it in your body?
What do you need right now?
Show some love and understanding towards yourself as you would a child.
Breath mindfully: I use a technique called Central Channel Breathing in combination with Body Awareness Meditation (I teach this during Reiki and Yoga Classes). You can also just breath deeply into the belly with nice long exhales. What feels good for you?
Let it go now, you don't need to keep turning it over in your mind. "Thank you for the information."
As Rumi said, "Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That is where the light enters you."
When you take time for yourself, when you get quiet, when you investigate lovingly, you feel more cared for. That is power. You are powerful!
So don't give away your power by blaming someone else.
Every time you process a trigger or a feeling, you release it so it doesn't keep happening over and over. If it is a big trigger or a big feeling, it might come up more than once, but it will be a little less triggering or emotional every time until it doesn't have the same effect anymore.
The best thing you can do is get selfish because when you feel more peaceful and joyful that energy radiates out and affects others in a positive way. So say no, do less and spend more time in peace to know yourself a little better.
Be selfish to be selfless! May you enjoy being with yourself so you can enjoy the little moments all year long.
And don't be afraid to get triggered, you've got this! Let's Break Free together.
You are Free.
The inner essence of yourself is love.
Love creates feelings of wholeness.
With wholeness, we feel spacious.
In this space we become balanced.
This balanced energy creates wellness.
You are Free.
Yours in community,
Certified Reiki III Practitioner
Certified Yoga Teacher - 200
Ontario Certified Teacher
Psychotherapy Student (MACP)
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