Happiness Is Hard: Moving to a State of Being.

As we weave our way through life, we are typically seeking - seeking satisfaction, achievement, love, acceptance, wealth, freedom, happiness. This seeking leads to a feeling and a sense that something is missing. When I have this, or achieve this, or this happens, I’ll know I’ve made it. Life becomes the destination without having fully lived the journey. 

Oftentimes, the reason we strive is because we suffer. We don’t like the situation we are in and we want it to change. Ironically, while we don’t want to suffer, suffering is known and comfortable, and change is not. We want change without having to become too uncomfortable or put in too much work for fear of the unknown. 

So we either fall into complacency or move too fast to notice the psychopathology knocking at the door nudging us to pay attention. Anxiety and depression are clinical mental health disorders, yet they can also be signs that our thoughts, emotions, feelings, and behaviours don’t align with our authenticity - beliefs, values and purpose in life. 

This is what Existential Therapy proposes as people denying their freedom of choice due to ‘reality.’ A lot of us believe that while we want to pursue a goal or embody an ideal, we are thwarted by reality in the false prison of society. 

Additionally, this prison is what Buddhism speaks to as suffering is part of the human experience as we navigate amongst our attachments.  Interacting with our environment propels our needs and desires, that attach to people, places, self, and material comforts. We suffer when we are attached. However in most societies, this is unavoidable. So, we need philosophy, spirituality, counselling, and others, to make sense of the world, our place in it, and how to move forward with peace and purpose. 

Essentially boiling down to the statement that happiness is hard! Yet paradoxically, happiness shouldn’t be this hard if this was really my destiny, my purpose, and it was meant to be - It will just happen!

It is waiting for the happiness that causes lingering melancholy. It is the seeking that tries to avoid suffering that is causing the unhappiness. It is indeed a fruitless pursuit as an emotion that we place as a higher value on all others. Chasing the external - adventure, medication, drugs, phone distractions, to satisfy the internal. 

If we begin to feel more comfortable with all of our feelings and emotions, we can become more attuned towards our intuition. This presents a concept of finding a state of being rather than attempting to hold on to and seek happiness. 

The balance becomes being at peace with what is, in the moment and taking action when the time is right. You need your critical thinking AND your intuition or your ‘gut knowing’ to make authentic change. 

Tapping into your intuition gets easier with time, but if it’s new (like anything, any hobby) it takes work and practice. Trust me when I say, EVERYONE is intuitive. If it is hard, remember that it is very common. We have had years learning the program of the ego to feel safe in the physical world.  

Life is precious, and it is an absolute miracle we are here! So instead of trying to find happiness, or add more meaningless years to your life, maybe we should try adding more LIFE to our years as human beings. How do you want to BE?

Exercise 1: Put in the work by setting aside 10 minutes a day to create a new habit and routine that dives into your soul’s intuition. 

1. Breathe deeply into the belly for 4. Hold for 4. Breathe out for 8. Repeat 10 times.

2. Intention: “I choose to live as and express my spiritual Self having a spiritual experience today."

3. 5 minute timer for a stream of consciousness writing exercise. Just write whatever comes to mind, images, words, doodles, anything at all. Stop when the timer stops. You can pick up where you left off the day before if you like. 

4. Prompts (not necessary but helpful at the start!): 

   1. What is my soul purpose?

   2. What do I enjoy? 

   3. Who am I?

   4. What stops me from living my truth?

Exercise 2: Getting comfortable with your Emotions and Feelings.

1. Take a minute: Breathe in for 5 seconds, breathe out for 5 seconds.

2. Name the Emotion.

3. Notice how it Feels in your Body.

4. Love the Emotion: Anger, Fear, Sadness etc. Take loving care of it as you picture holding yourself like a precious baby or child. 

5. Take any action from a place of Knowing rather than a place of reaction. 

6. Love yourself for whatever transpired. You are trying. You are doing the work.

With courage in connection,